Unknowingly and unconsciously , there are strange perceptions immediately built around a single reply................ " Its Love" followed by Sighs and Awwwww.
Unluckily if , " Its Arranged" , the counter reactions are congrats-great. All the best.
There is a certain perceptual success attributed in the mere congratulatory tone. Arrangements are always looked down upon. For the lucky ones who do not go through the toil of strange situations, LOVE IT IS, usually not a guaranteed happily ever-after.
Arranged gigs are always characterized by sudden awkwardness and too many rolling eyes prying to judge the prospective Bride or Groom. As they say "That's a Classic". If at all there is a more nerve wrecking situation than this, it is surely comparable to being embarrassed in a public gathering , where everyone notices and acknowledges your Moment of Awkwardness.
"Estranged with strangers" can be an apt State of Mind for all participants in such a social setting. Settling down is seen as a mark of personal achievement. If its Love, then obviously its passing with Distinction. Rest are merely categorized as "Unlucky In love" or "Too busy/ugly for Love".
Matchmaking is one of the oldest known professions prevalent across the world. If Matching tones/hues you become a designer; Matching concrete with sensibilities makes you an Architect; in case you match voice and expressions would result into a singer; match tact with eccentricities you are a Politician. We all are chronic Match makers. We love the art of linking thoughts, particles and people. Weaving a fairy world which gives pleasure to others- we all are SOCIAL SERVANTS indeed.
Requiring social linkages to fulfill a personal sense of completion indeed should raise some eye brows and lucky enough to bat some eye-lashes ;)
Here we meet in the institution of Marriage where goods and books of accounts are exchanged for social recognition & security.
Post the initial phase of discomfort, there is not much difference between LOVE which is arranged/nurtured after self-sacrifice or Arrangement of Love facilitated by Family/Friends. The "First Meeting" and the ice- breaking is most taxing; in majority of the cases a second rendezvous is not asked for. Why??
Not all arrangements work, this mostly takes a blow on delicate balance of Self Esteem of prospective candidates who are already tagged socially "Unlucky in Love" . The prince/princesses whose Facebook status still reads "Single". Yes, rejections are very common in such social arrangements , as it is not a choice-less world. Girls can choose from Smart looks to Diamonds/jewels and custom search for a suitable match. Guys can screen vital stats to mental sanity to social acceptance criterion of the Brides to be.
Myth- Is it possible to even know anyone guy/girl and their families when they are at their cordial best??
Two hoots to anyone who thinks the man or woman you marry will not change drastically. New age liberal parents dictate the terms of Prospects liking each other and various permutation-combination are worked out around that. Mature individuals searching for a life-partner ascertain what they never understood in the past- WHO IS THE ONE?
The entire affair looks like an effort to pass while cheating in an examination where aides are family members. The competition is not less in this field as well. Marriage & Weddings are the most flourishing businesses in the Indian Social set up.
Young guns not only have to fulfill the demands of their partners but also fight the might of Bank Balance, Beauty and Brains. The competition is neck to neck, to entice a better mate into wedlock. Emotional Turbulence, Futile Conversations, Deliberate Smiles and False Impressions leave a sense of void inside. Because sadly, actual movie starts post the wedding. These Revelations and Tribulations would be well comprehended by more experienced lot. The sorry situations are when arranged set-ups leave a fear in the minds of young men and women. Unknown rejections are like flunking in Group Discussions or Personal Interview which has to be taken VERY PERSONALLY.
Non-involved parties often punch in a casual remark, " You reject some, some reject you."
Easier said than done. The crack in self-esteem is as severe as a rejection in love affair. When the opposite gender's rejection is based on superficial facts and assumptions their maturity is seriously a question mark. Deep down an inkling always present, What happened? Did it not go right?
Blabbering into meaningless conversations which almost sound like exchanging biographies and gauging immediate expert reactions, prospects go through alot of turmoil in the screening stage. The only clarity is that both parties are willing to settle into a business called The Big Fat Arrangement. Painful situations when almost verbal promises are not adhered to. Uncertainty and confusion mar the thinking of mature minds. As there is no social obligation, courtesy and social etiquettes are conveniently forgotten in case of rejections. Yes, bringing your moment of Social Awkwardness into the public eye. In the smallest examination, we always are aware how we fared, in an arranged set up, no report card is shared only a final Fail, which is not even willingly communicated.
I suggest use of a Social Scorecard for an arranged marriage situation.
To avoid embarrassing situations, families exchange Social report cards of Self and prospects. This leads to meeting of prospects and marking desirability factors in the Scorecard. As this is a stranger, honest feedback needs to be shared which is exchanged in the Score Card in the first meeting. The result instantly and scientifically shared entailing possibility of a second meeting in case of favorable outcome. So on and so forth. This seems to be a more cordial and scientific approach to the whole Confusion and Hype created around such unnerving social encounters.
A nod of rejection is remarkably different from a sigh of acceptance. Sigh is more of a relief than happiness that Finalllyyyy..."Meet the Lovely Couple".
Most bizarre unions also receive Social comments like - Cute and Made for Each-Other. It is weird how 2 individuals and their families apparently bond with so much of Artificial Warmth initially. Knowingly or unknowingly, with usually tender hearts these fake moments turn into genuine care, love and respect gradually. Don't be too gullible to ever believe, that this would be happily ever after.
But as they say , "Someone , somewhere is made for you" .
This is not just true for the person you marry but also the family of the partner. We all eventually bump into The One. Most of us live oblivious of the fact that Marriages do not work because two individuals are compatible. These institutions right from the outset prepare us to deal with uncertainties and discomfort. It prepares us for The real Life.
A successful Marriage is waiting for you outside your comfort zone and inside your effort zone.
For all the Golden Jubilee Wedding Anniversaries attended , I have always observed, what worked was the WILL to keep interest of your better-half before yours. Wonders happen , when the feeling is Mutual. Yes , then they say, " Allz well that ends well"
Word of Caution- Do not go in for Photo shops and character editing, word polishing etc. Just be yourself. For all the ones striving to strike gold, always keep in mind, THE ONE WILL OFTEN WALK THAT EXTRA MILE FOR YOU ;)
(Do remember not to expect that Always )
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