A Summer Twilight

A Summer Twilight frozen in Time

A girl sat waiting for someone special, in a restaurant thinking how summers are as much a delight as winters.

How soon the mood and weather changed. Such a transition.

She thought, The knitted wardrobe of  heavy winter clothing has given way to bright Linens and Cottons.
From coats to skirts the transition of seasons catches us unaware. Closets bulging out with jackets are now neatly packed up with shortest and least covering attires. Overcoats are backpacked and sent into hibernation while special sunny light tiny dresses now hang gracefully in the closet.

 Just flipping her legs, she remembered a cold evening in her winter boots. But today her Funky flip flops flatter, heels are no longer disturbed by fine leggings openly flirting the stairs with consistent chatter. Season of pedicures and judicious visits to salons and parlors is a mandate in her monthly expenses. Air is conditioned, coolers comfort the otherwise fuming mind.

How she loves all the colorful fruits that summer brings. Water-melons, Mangoes color the palate to yellows and dull reds. Eating out means that the day needs to end with mouth-watering ice creams and rich creamy flavored shakes. The Bright pinks, the soothing greens and small tiny bubbles make our soul breezy. Just then topped with Toppling Ice, a Long slim straw peeps out towards her from the ordered delightful drink. What a relief!!

Her drink chills the day and quenches thirst of the soul. The tiny droplets at the outside of luminous glass colors her petite fingers translucent . The blurring is not of vision but the object only. The bright solitaire shining on her finger, which was slid onto her hand just four months back, looks divine with a perched tiny droplet on it. Her million dollar smile is beyond everything that can ever make sense to him. She knows the ring sits like a crown, yes she rules a Man's heart, she owns her King. Is this the magic of the evening?

The sun is dim, its rays shining on her face and he is mesmerized by the ethereal beauty all over again. There is a beauty in this twilight, there is so in every evening as the sun sets. Walking into the restaurant , she knows he sees all these pretty faces and their smiles,  what makes her the queen of his heart? Why indeed did he decide to propose. She knew not, but she was aware that there was alot of love in this moment to sustain a lifetime. This was what she felt all this while since they were together.
"Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" , he thinks as he gets lost in her eyes , the warmth has not changed the last he met her a month back.

Unlike winters when fog smears the eyes and diminishes visibility , A summer twilight's effect is more subtle and not blinding. Its beautiful to be somewhere in a dim lighted cozy joint, sipping Icy cold drinks with a warm  heart. The plush of summers is not in expensive overcoats its in the minimalism of excess. The queen of his heart sits there with no makeup, just boldly outlined Kajal with his favorite fruit gloss with the aura of her romantic fragrance. She knew , he knew that he has never loved a woman so much. She can read his eyes, she has learnt it now.

He sat down in front of her, he smiled, she blushed. She was busy adjusting her attire and she was fully aware that she was not perfect, no beauty , just an average girl. He has been away from her , in the sea of books , he remained hooked. Still they keep in touch through mails, chats and calls. She feels no distance can part them away. She feels he is with her always. Time and distance can never pinch enough to hurt their love.

A tear rolls down her cheeks, yes she is delighted to see him. He could see the joy brimming from her eyes. It felt as though like the straw peeped out from the glass with tiny colorful liquids painting it all the way from the bottom to way up, his beloved too was colored in his love. It was not an emotional outburst, there was no drama. This was true to the Summer Twilight, a subtle hint of expression of warmth, love and affection.
After all its minimalism of excess. Of all the emotions you hone, its not wise to flood the banks of your relationship. Subtle emotions work wonders in a pragmatic world. If in Love, Love to your heart's content and let the tiny despairs set beautifully into a wonderful relationship. The sun, skies, stars, moon , the landscapes work hard to make a twilight and its night harmonious. So is with emotions, over reactions-melodrama defy the basic rules of nature. This is something she learnt with rough experiences.

Just then , the prettiest twilight gave its way smoothly into the night, luckily the stars lighted the skies. In the love net, forget not to count the silver linings & numerous stars which add sparkle to your darkest nights.
This evening soon turned into a star lit night, holding hands the lovers disappeared into the crowd but The Twilight remains frozen in their heart as the warmth twinkles in their eyes & breaks into a smile each time the sun is about to set and a night is born. Each day, each night, this twilight remains alive and their love it ignites.

This is their moment frozen in time.

The Pilgrimage

A visit to Vaishnodevi.
The experience was over whelming. The moment we stepped out to start our journey , I was aware that something is about to change.

We reached Jammu and it was an alien land. Why so? 

Because there was no chaos , it was an easy life.

Everyone was at peace with their lives. 

And yes there were groups of people who were barefoot and just walking colored in saffron clothes.

With Jai Mata di headbands. It was a different world. 

We first prepared our body for the pilgrimage, we thought to take some rest and make sure we fed ourselves a little.We realized later, it was not as much about our bodily strength than it was about our mental character.

While I was sitting in the train on our way back, I knew what had changed in me.

There was a shift in perspective. It did not matter how I looked while I was dead on my way back, the zeal was that I made it back without any support,on my own.I had no mental support , no one to give me a pat on my back, no one to hold my hand, we were maybe all on our own. Except the lucky ones who might have truly had some companions. There was no right or wrong, to take the stairs or the slope, to rest when the other one was in discomfort  I appeared to be stronger, ate my pain and kept on with the pace. The journey back was more painful, because there was a certain disappointment that all this hoopla was around an Idol which we barely saw for 3 secs and were hushed out.

It was a complete setback  , the conditions way up and way down with horse shit and water and rains and so much of crowd.I kept on praying please dont rain, but well that is the Test. You will be put through bad circumstances.What peace and what wisdom can come through this.

The experience taught me something, which was Faith and Trust.
It was belief in our strengths. It was loving your goal more than loving your comfort.

I saw men carrying their mothers/fathers/kids on their backs for 28kms, they had no resources to hire a horse/ass/palki..what they had was immense faith that what I am carrying is not a burden. They walked at an unbelievable pace. Their rhythm , the discipline and their focus was appalling.

And here we were, broken mind, body and soul, wondering why would anyone come here .

Is it worth it? 

In life, alot of times, we forget what we learnt because we are busy criticizing what we got. We are sad because we are comparing ourselves to others.

We miss out on smaller joys because we are focussing way too much on the end result, we are driven by accomplishments and not by experiences.

I am not sure if I would want to visit again, but I am open to any opportunity when I am called again to Vaishnodevi.

It taught me to love all and to give it all I got.

When we are tired , we know the plight of the other person as well, because we are travelling in the same boat.

We are all in different shoes, and not all humans are physically the same level, respect the differences and keep moving.

It rained and rich, poor, crippled, young, old all kept on moving. Adversities should not stop us.

The journey was colored white, INR 20 rupees raincoat which saved us from the rain.

Everyone had the same means to protect themselves, it was a journey of equals.

On our way back in train we met a devout pilgrim, who visits every month, then also those who visit maybe every week.Though I agree that god or that power exists and needs to be heeded. But I am not really sure how much comforts are we ready to give up.I can make that journey every week sitting in a helicopter, but I am not sure if I will make the same journey every week /month if I was on foot.

So many people's belief does make me think its a miracle and maybe Vaishnodevi and many such pilgrimages have some power.I firmly agree to the fact that, we do change our outlook visiting these places.

How else can experiences mould us. These are our own choices , to climb 14kms for a 3 sec glimpse of an idol.

The power of it transforms us, not to believe in all this blindly but they give us a re assurance that we all are able enough beyond our capacity.

A 70 yr old can walk through that 28 kms with a smile with a hope of visiting again very soon.

That is courage, that is the real learning.

All that we ask for, all that we wish for, we are ready to climb mountains but are we ready to accept the final consequences?

Are we ready for firm acceptance of the outcome? Will we crib about the tough life or will we smile at the very small funny incidents in our lives.

Perspectives change once we see the real people, the real life. 

Some sleepless nights , and we will sleep even without the conditioned air, we will rest without any conditions, without any fans.

What I learnt?? Many things, most importantly, when we give something all we got, when we tire ourselves beyond limits, when the pain of body disrupts your sleep.

You will still smile, because you do not regret. You did not give up, you had faith. You knew there are more able people with resources , there are people low on money. 

You will keep on moving. You will live the experience , you will internalize all pains and all smiles. 

You will live in the moment, you will give your best, you will not fret, you will not compare, you will focus and reach you destination, knowing that this is not the end of the journey.

You are wiser because even when you got nothing, you have lost nothing. You now know how much you can endure, you know where to rest and when to scale up your efforts.

Destination was disappointing, but main was the journey. 

I asked nothing when I was in front of the Idol for 3 secs, I could not think of anything to ask for, I just thanked her and asked for blessings.

My first Pilgrimage was a perfect one. I learnt more than I imagined I can understand.
Awaiting for the next pilgrimage to unravel soon, 


Maybe wiser men knew-


'When , finally , we reached the place,
We hardly knew why we were there.
The trip had darkened every face,
Our deeds were neither great nor rare.
Home is where we have to gather grace.


-Nissim Ezekiel


No pilgrimage can ever cure an impure mind, a dirty soul, a selfish heart.
Before you make your next Pilgrimage , make sure we clean up the dirt.
Yes, Metaphorically and literally.

What are you Hiding?

Strange but true, when guests are at our doorstep and we are unprepared then What do we usually do? 
We hide things and we hide sometimes alot more than just things.In a hurry, we wrap up what we were doing and clothes go inside the almiras in the wrong places.


Dust is cleaned as much as not to show and pinch the eyes.There is some unwanted stuff which also finds place with our dear possessions.Things we never intend to keep, gradually mingle to become a little wanted.On this occasion when unexpected becomes exciting and we welcome the new guests with open arms, how much we change to please them and the abode goes through a mini makeover.And now we are not unhappy , we are good with this change. We have hidden what we do not like, we have the guts to showcase things which might appeal to others and not necessarily to us. Its critical to know what was put where and to not start liking the current status quo. Or is it?

The same happens with our relationships. Often in times of discomfort with people in life, we hide and camouflage to please usually ourselves and seldom others.In a house we do sacrifice and make that extra effort, but not in life.Relationships start rotting and the Almira of thoughts becomes hap hazard. In the scheme of clash of likes/dislikes and hate/love we temporarily adjust but never permanently.Not till we forget that this was what we did not like.Is it that we can skew towards opinions and preferences easily if we keep ourselves neutral.Are we becoming more and more egoistic and rigid not towards our preferences but because we have conditioned ourselves and derive a sense of self from it.Our definitions of possessions, emotions are strangely defining us today. And we will hide our real self under this garb to later realise that secretly we did enjoy what we claim to hate.

So sit and think, what are you hiding.And when the guests leave your home, when random thoughts and people leave you alone, do find time to think, why are you hiding yourself in good/bad/ugly/beautiful relationship or phases life. Lets love ourselves and not restrict what we think we are.


We are as wonderful as we wish to be. There is no limit to being what you want to be.Pause for a while and accomodate others in your journey as well, do not mould yourself as per others and do not try to fit others in your scheme of things.The ones who wish to see the real you will, and others well, will one day merge within their scheme of things to become likeable.Welcome all the guests with eyes split wise open to see yourself through their eyes, maybe they do see the best in you.They will see what you cannot and believe in you when you don't.Do remember, when somethings do not fit the scheme of things, either we keep them till we find space or we pass them to people who have space.People, friends, emotions, money, things, pictures, possessions and thoughts should never be hidden, else they might show up at the wrong time.Only hide your fat, it never harms to hide extra pounds. That is smart.Oversmartness is when we hide what we cannot manage.
x

Mujhe Kya Bechega Rupaiyaa

I was watching Satyamev jayate the other day. It was about how dowry is involved during marriages and how this has spoilt so many lives.In the name of marriage everyone including the bride, their relatives and families are ready to scale up to any heights of nonsense to massage the ego of the other party.

Social stigma is another evil which has ruined lives of many who have a girl child or a young lady being pushed towards marriage.This institution of marriage and the commoditization of women in this process has spread itself so wide that most of what was unreasonable once has become an acceptable norm of the transaction of Marriage Market.

The issue of all crime related to women finds its roots in no other custom but in Business of Marriage.

The cementing of a relationship is based on sacrifices and worries of all parents as soon as they hold a newly born baby girl in their hands.Even in most forward subsets of the society there is an inkling in the heart that she would leave us one day and go.This process of giving security to young women eats away all resources and gives sleepless nights to all her guardians.

Issues like Female Foeticide , child marriage, domestication, illiteracy , rape , social dependence, eve teasing are issues which are all related to attitude of the society. 

The attitude which is eating up all the confidence in this pseudo freedom given to girls in the name of Modernism and forward thinking.The time a girl child is born there are alot of restrictions to the mind. Today very successful women are said to be too career minded and have disjoint families.

Its not as much a shame to rape than be the victim to be raped. A woman's identity is kept under wraps after any such incident.

The root needs to be removed once and for all. Give a woman the right not to be commoditized. Her free will to marry or not and when , whom and how to marry.Social norms should change to cashless and foodless weddings, gatherings only to serve snacks and mocktails and expenses to borne by bride and groom , not their families.

This can remove the stigma of girl being a liability. She will spend what she earns. Should support parents. 

Instead of worrying in what would be the expenditure on her wedding, parents can think on more profitable line as how much can she study and what would that cost.This would reduce unwanted killings in the womb. Once women get that confidence to reject and accept what they want, rights will not be asked but automatically given.

She is not a mere asset that needs to be saved and kept scratchfree  till the wedding and handover. 

She is a diamond, the more she sees life , the stronger she becomes and more she shines.

She is not to be bought by money, but won by love.

Respect women and respect their choices.

One Day, Some Day

The gentle breeze ruffled and unsettled drooping trees warmly. It was some perfect evening which seemed warm and not unpleasant. Sounds of blaring horns muted by playful quirky kids. Chirpy birds flew by unnoticed spreading coziness within her heart. The slight humidity of the evening added a dash of sweetness.
When she looked around, it was chilly cold but still there was a subtle rush on her cheeks. Her tender fingers clasped each other in sheer assuring nervousness.

A Day when it did not matter how fast time runs because her heartbeats skipped once every single minute. This inconsistency of her pulse was in its own way very consistent. She could feel the moment, she could keep time, she could stay frozen in this era. This hour she measured was no less than a quarter of a century for her.

She indeed waited not for years, not for months not even for weeks. Not literally. It was a matter just of somedays. The days which had gone by like silk from the softest hands. This was not exactly the way she expected it, but this was beyond expectations. She never did bind her mind , never did condition it. Else it would have brought some hovering thoughts on ' how would that be'.

Some day, one day she knew this would happen. It seemed so right, it seemed so quiet, utterly soothing.
The moment seemed almost Deadly and complete. She looked around, the whole world was alien to her except this loving voice, these ardent eyes settled on her and the firm hands touched her gently. This was not a dream, she broke the silence extended her hand towards his face and replied:

 "Yes I do, I Love you too"

The shortest affair and the longest Love Story followed. This was their DAY OF LOVE.
One Day, Some Day you will have your perfect day with your Perfect Partner.
Till then , keep up the good work. ;)

MY LOVE SONG

Your eyes see in me, what I want to be

You make me believe that I can be

What I am , you always let me be

Somehow , you still bring out the best in me.

Life is too short to regret.

I want to live each moment to death.

It was magic the first time our eyes met

I will love you till my last breath.

Our story is like a breezy song

Crazily in love I hum along

Your touch is tender as it slides down my waist

Together a melodious symphony we make.

Your eyes express more than words do

Your voice touches my soul too

Every inch of me is beauty to you

Our unfathomable love is true.

When a smile might not settle a discord

We will reason it out & join the dots

Our love canvas is a rainbow

Like a sparkling estuary it will flow.

And I will be by your side , when the "billows dancing"

With any dark cloud , I will be your silver lining.

Dreams heard in a Lullaby will come true

I started to believe it the moment I loved you

All your dreams like a celestial sky I will tenderly hold

Till the Sun beams & until the Moon sleeps in the heavenly folds.

This is My Love Song

And this I sing, Every-time I melt in your arms.

Something Borrowed

The me I know is a world unknown,
From my lighted smile to the inherent warmth.
The silly me is nothing new
Its me but its still something borrowed.

When it all goes wrong
All hope is dead
I cheer up because I know its for the best
Not brooding, thanks to being something borrowed.

At times when brutal defeat stares hard
I tremble , fumble ,crumble and I fail
I cry and I break, I stand up tall, a little late
No one has faith but you, I am happy I am something borrowed.


When I hide it, as cupid strikes
I share not any names, I play mind games, I lie
I say I need you not, sometimes you know I am wrong
When hurt, You still wipe my tears 'cz I am something borrowed.


Often what I want I get not
I deserved it but it was meant not
For I do not curse or get jealous or pry
I will cheer from the sidelines, this goodness is something borrowed.


All endless fights we have
I know you are right
I know you think that its my false pride
I hate it when you are always correct,
Alas even you would be something borrowed.


Life and its morbid experiences
Start to rust me out
I know you will take time out to fix me
I am too dear to you,
A part of you, Something borrowed.


Life comes a full circle someday
My Borrowed potions heal , smile and fix the ones I love
Their pain scars me, even when they Fail me I will stand by them.
This is who we all are,
At heart after all , We are all something borrowed.


This is especially for my MOM and all the ones I love- The Powerpuff girls, My Family , My Friends, and Others who were'nt that wise otherwise . ;)